On the phone with a programmer friend of mine

recently, I noticed a couple of times he said

complimentary things about Microsoft. I didn't

understand why until he mentioned, later in the

call, that he'd been taking some Microsoft

technical classes recently.

A few minutes later, he *again* said something

nice about MS, and I asked "So, have they been

brainwashing you in these Microsoft classes

you've been taking?"

He chuckled, "Well, I have to admit that, contrary

to popular belief, Microsoft is *not* Satan incarnate."

My response was "So, that would be a 'yes'

There are some evening classes opening up that you

would NOT want to miss. Don't forgo this fantastic

opportunity! Further your education! Enroll NOW!

SELF IMPROVEMENT

1100 Creative Suffering

1101 Overcoming Peace of Mind

1102 You & Your Birthmark

1103 Guilt Without Sex

1104 The Primal Shrug

1105 Ego Gratification Through Violence

1106 Molding Your Child's Behavior Through Fear

1107 Dealing With Post-Realization Depression

1108 Whine Your Way to Alienation

1109 How to Overcome Self-Doubt

Through Pretense & Ostentation

1110 Body Language for Epileptics

1111 Catholics Women's Guide to Orgasm

BUSINESS & CAREER

0001 I Made $100 in Real Estate

0002 Money Can Make You Rich

0003 Packaging & Selling Your Child

0004 Career Opportunities In El Salvador

0005 How to Profit from Your Own Body

0006 The Under-Achievers Guide to a

Very Small Business

0007 Tax Shelters for the Indigent

0008 Looter's Guide to European Cities

0009 How to Land a Job in Algeria

0010 1,001 Methods of Blackmail

HOME ECONOMICS

401 Cultivating Viruses in Your Refrigerator

402 Burglar-Proof Your Home with Concrete

403 Sinus Drainage at Home

404 Basic Kitchen Taxidermy

405 Teach Your Goldfish Buddhism

406 Christianity and the art of TV Maintenance

407 How to Convert a Wheelchair into a Dune Buggy

HEALTH & FITNESS

1202 Creative Tooth Decay

1203 Exercise & Acne

1204 The Joys of Hypochondria

1205 High Fiber Sex

1206 Suicide & Your Health

1207 Skate Your Way to Regularity

1208 Bio-feed & How to Stop

1209 Understanding Nudity

1210 Tap Dance Your Way to Ridicule

1211 Optional Body Functions

1212 Leprosy & Pole Vaulting - How to Avoid it

1213 Elective Surgery in the Home

1214 Over 26 - How to Tell an Orgasm from a

Heart Attack

CRAFTS

1011 Self Actualization Through Macram

1012 How to Draw Genitalia

1013 Weaving With Body Hair

1014 Canceled

1015 Gifts for the Senile

1016 Bonsai Your Pet

1017 Rearranging Your Hate

1018 Masochism for the Over 40s

1019 Post-Coital Rug Making

1020 Creative Nail Clipping Arrangements

RELIGION

6660 Ritual Cookie Sacrifices

6661 Moony Burial Rites

6662 Just Say Noah

6663 Matzoth Baking Without Perforations

6664 Advanced Hell Fire Fighting

6665 Rap & Heavy Metal Hymns

6667 Condensed Bible Study

6668 Satan and Satin