586 The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete Any computer you own.

Microsecond The time it takes for your state-of-the-art

computer to become obsolete.

G3 Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's

three times faster than the computer I bought for the

same price a microsecond ago."

Syntax Error Walking into a computer store and

saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is

no object."

Hard Drive The sales technique employed by computer

salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI (pronounced "gooey") What your computer

becomes after spilling your coke on it.

Keyboard The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse An advanced input device to make computer

errors easier to generate.

Floppy The state of your wallet after purchasing a

computer.

Portable Computer A device invented to force

businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on

business trips.

Disk Crash A typical computer response to any critical

deadline.

System Update A quick method of trashing ALL of your

BIT A word used to describe computers, as in "Our

son's computer cost quite a bit."

BOOT What your friends give you because you

spend too much time bragging about your computer

skills.

BUG What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny

green computer screen for more than 15 minutes.

Also what computer magazine companies do to

you after they get your name on their mailing list.

CHIPS The fattening, non-nutritional food computer

users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards

for meals.

COPY What you have to do during school tests

because you spend too much time at the computer

and not enough time studying.

CURSOR What you turn into when you can't get

your computer to perform, as in "You $#% computer!"

DISK What goes out in your back after bending

over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.

DUMP The place all your former hobbies wind up

soon after you install your computer.

ERROR What you made the first time you walked

into a computer showroom to "just look."

EXPANSION UNIT The new room you have to

build on to your home to house your computer and

all its peripherals.

FILE What your secretary can now do to her nails

six and a half hours a day, now that the computer

does her day's work in 30 minutes.

FLOPPY The condition of a constant computer

user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a

steady diet of junk food (see Chips").

HARDWARE Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes

and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger

on since getting your computer.

IBM The kind of missile your family members and

friends would like to drop on your computer so

you'll pay attention to them again.

MENU What you'll never see again after buying

a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a

restaurant.

MONITOR Often thought to be a word associated

with computers, this word actually refers to those

obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall

pass at school.

PROGRAMS Those things you used to look at on

your television before you hooked your computer

up to it.

RETURN What lots of people do with their

computers after only a week and a half.

TERMINAL A place where you can find buses,

trains and really good deals on hot computers.

WINDOW What you heave the computer out of

after you accidentally erase a program that took