Joke du Jour (tm) Set 1. Volume 13; Issue 2. Jan 2, 1999
 Personally, I never make New Year Resolutions.
Why make
promises you know you're not going to keep? Besides, if one
wants to start something good, one doesn't need a spring
board like the New Year's Day. Today is soon enough.
However, it's fun to make fun of the resolutions... :)
LadyHawke
*~*~*~*~*~*
"New Year's Resolutions for
Internet Junkies"
1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife(husband).
3. I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with
which I answer my e-mail.
5. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be
on the phone at the same time with the same person.
6. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once
a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe...
7. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This,
of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
8. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply
"MS Tech Support."
9. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
10. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
11. I will think of a password other than "password."
12. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30
is much more practical.
13. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh,
get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
"His & Hers New Year's Resolutions
& Goals"
The Basic Difference: His (Y) / Hers (X)
X: Lose weight / Go on a diet / Drink more water
Y: One case beer per weekend
(unless having guys over or Superbowl weekend)
X: ONLY one chocolate bar per week
Y: ONLY three nights at topless bar per week
X: Workout - Jog/Step Bench 5 times week
Y: Move furniture to find lost little black book and
bedroom TV remote
X: Subscribe to Shape/Fitness Magazine
Y: Call 1-800 number to get on Victoria's Secret
catalog mailing list
X: Go on romantic second date with Bob/Accounting
Y: Score on second date with Suzy/Marketing
X: Get organized/clean house
Y: Give old Penthouse mags to Goodwill (or younger
brother)
X: Buy new Daily Planner
Y: Buy new little Black Book if no luck under furniture
X: Find out name of tall good-looking guy in Finance
Y: Score with tall, long-legged Blond in Finance
X: Read More / Less TV
Y: Buy Dish - More sports channels!!
X: Watch quality TV with positive messages
Y: When surfing DO NOT stop on "Allie McBeal" -EVER
X: Plan budget / Save more money
Y: Only three nights at topless bar per week
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