"Holiday Drinking Warning"
The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that Warning signs be placed on
booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of pounding down a pint or two.
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that
could knock a buzzard off a garbage truck at 100 yards.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
A**hole.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you
REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever
happened to your pants anyway.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and / or name you can't remember).
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burn on the forehead.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion tha tyou are
tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.
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