"25 Ways to Torture Your Roommate at Christmas"
1. Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to
bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the floor.
2. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get
off.
3. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.
4. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting,
"Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."
5. Hang mistletoe in the doorway. When your roommate enters or leaves the
room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.
6. Hang a stocking with your roommate’s name on it. Collect coal and
sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say "You've been very naughty this year."
7. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you
never get to join in on the reindeer games.
8. Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (I.E. "You know, I saw
mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.")
9. Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.
10. Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate’s two front
teeth..."
11. Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.
12. Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When
it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically "it didn't work!"
13. Whip your roommate screaming "now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner,
and Blitzen, etc."
14. Tear down all your roommate’s Christmas decorations yelling
"Bah Humbug!"
15. Wake up every morning screaming "Ghost of Christmas Future, please
have mercy on my soul!"
16. Tell your roommate you're moving out. Santa's buying you a house on 34th
Street.
17. Pin a poinsettia to your lapel.
18. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts
first.
19. Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roommate’s
friends "give it a yank."
20. Ring jingle bells maniacally saying "Every time a bell rings an
angel gets his wings."
21. Stand in front of the mirror reciting "How the Grinch Stole
Christmas" over and over in your underwear.
22. Smoke mistletoe. Do what comes naturally.
23. Watch your roommate when s/he is sleeping. When s/he wakes up sing,
"He sees you when you're sleeping..."
24. Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room. When your
roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let them stay here, there's no room at the
inn."
25. When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her possessions.
Tell him/her that Santa's elves must have done it.
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