“20 Words That Should Exist, But Don't.”
1. ACCORDIONATED
(ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and fold a road map at the same time.
2. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus)
adj. Possessing the ability to
turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
3. AQUALIBRIUM
(ak wa lib' re um) n. The point at which the stream of drinking water is at its perfect
height, thus relieving the drinker from: (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting
himself in the eye.
4. BURGACIDE
(burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through
the grill into the coals.
5. BUZZACKS
(buz' acks) n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and
listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.
6. CARPERPETUATION
(kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when
vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching
over and picking it up, examining it, then
putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
7. DIMP (dimp)
n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work
here?"
8. DISCONFECT
(dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of
candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow
"remove" all the germs.
9. ECNALUBMA
(ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rear-view mirror.
10. EIFFELITES
(eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter
which direction you lean in, follow suit.
11. ELBONICS
(el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
12. ELECELLERATION (el a sel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken
notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
13. FRUST (frust) n. The
small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person
across the room until s/he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a
milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.
15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb
struggling to come to life.
16. PEPPIER (pehp
ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant
whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
17. PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik)
adj. One who is embarrassed to
undress in front of a household pet.
18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n.
The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were
calling just as they answer.
19. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The
moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
20. TELECRASTINATION (tel
e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're six inches
away.
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