 “A
Candy Story”
It was another Payday and I was tired of being a Mr. Goodbar, but then I saw
Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue.
So I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetart, how'd you like to
Krunch on my Big Hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"
Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll and--Uno!--it was like
pure Almond Joy. I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds 'cause it was easy to
see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold back a
Snicker and a Krackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started
to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" Soon she was fondling my Peter Paul and
Zagnuts and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milkduds clear to Mars and gave
her a taste of the old Milky Way.
She asked if I was into M&M, but I said "Hey Chiclet, no kinky
stuff." Then I said, "Look you little Reeces Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a
Lifesaver. Why don't you just take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit O'
Honey?" (and what a piece of Juicyfruit she was, too).
She screamed, "Oh, Crackerjack, you're better than the Three
Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter
Cup. Well, I was givin' it to her Good n' Plenty, when all of a sudden...my
Starburst!!
Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow a bit Chunky and complained
of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped a Baby Ruth!!
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