"College Grading System"
Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University
(Name is classified) grade their final exams:
DEPT OF STATISTICS:
- All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
- Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close
them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade
that comes to mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY:
- All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF RELIGION:
- Grade is determined by G-d.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
- What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL:
- Students are asked to defend their position of why they
should receive an A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
- Grades are variable.
DEPT OF PHYSICS:
Grades are variable, but...All theoretical physics is
really mathematics. See Above.
DEPT OF CHEMISTRY:
All theoretical chemistry is really physics. See Above.
DEPT OF BIOLOGY:
All theoretical biology is really chemistry. See Above.
DEPT OF LOGIC:
If and only if
the
student is present for the final
and
the student has accumulated a passing grade
then
the student will receive an A
else
the student will not receive an A.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
- Random number generator determines grade, but... YOUR
grade is an object in a class of its own.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT:
- Each student must figure out his grade by listening to
the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION:
- Everybody gets an A.
ENGLISH DEPT:
Your final exam will be scored by totaling the weight of
all the books you read this semester:
40+ pounds - A
30 pounds - B
20 pounds - C
10 pounds - D
<10 pounds - F
DEPT OF MARXIST STUDIES:
The history of all hitherto existing society is the history
of class struggles. Therefore, everyone will now get the same grade!
DEPT OF ECONOMICS:
All of your grades, as a collection, will reach the level
where your marginal product (MP) of labor for each individual grade is equal.
DEPT OF OPERATIONS & LOGISTICS MANAGEMENT:
Grades will be posted *at* 12:00 Noon.
NOT 11:59 -- NOT 12:01
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