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“Hat Pin”

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at her church.

"Reverend," she said, " I have a problem--my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons.  It's very embarrassing.  What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister.  "Take this hatpin with you. I'll be able to tell when Mr.  Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times.  When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg with the pin."

In church, the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off.  Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work.  "...And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.  "Jesus!" cried Mr. Jones as his wife jabbed him in the leg with the hatpin.  "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister.

Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again.   Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. "G~d!" cried out Mr. Jones as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again, Mr. Jones," said the minister, smiling and continuing his sermon.

Before long, Mr. Jones dozed off again.  However, this time the minister didn't notice.  As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to wake her husband again.  She was just sticking her husband with the hatpin again when the minister asked, "...And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mr. Jones shrieked, “You stick that damned thing in me one more time, and I'll break it off and shove it up your butt!!!!"

Thus ended the sermon.......