 "Strict, Unbending Rules For Dealing With Stray
Cats"
1. Stray cats will not be fed.
2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.
3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food
moistened with a little milk.
4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food
moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house
their permanent residence.
6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up
and cuddled unnecessarily.
7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and
cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed
inside the house at any time.
9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except
at certain times.
10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except
on days ending in "y".
11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump
up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or
sharpen claws on the really good furniture.
13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must
sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.
14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in
the sand.
15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the
three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.
16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded
litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.
17. Stray cats will sleep outside.
18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.
20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an
old blanket.
21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed
with non-allergenic lambs’ wool pillow.
22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.
23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed,
except at the foot.
24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed
under the covers.
25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed
under the covers except at the foot.
26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.
27. Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.
28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer
keyboard on the desk when the human is using it es.asdfjjhpmn9ugq[98e67b`c130cuibh]08h
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